Traditional orderly charging and discharging strategies for electric vehicles often do not sufficiently consider the uncertainty of user response willingness and individual user differences. Therefore, this paper proposes an optimized strategy that incorporates user response willingness into the orderly charging and discharging process. A user response willingness model is established based on the TSK fuzzy system, which quantitatively analyzes the impact of the state of charge (SOC) and profit difference on individual users. The strategy model comprehensively considers the interests of both users and the power grid, with the optimization objectives of minimizing user charging and discharging costs and the variance of the power grid load curve. The Hippopotamus Optimization Algorithm (HO) is used to solve the model. Case study results indicate that the proposed optimization strategy effectively determines the number of users participating in the response, significantly reduces user charging costs, and achieves peak shaving and valley filling for the power grid.