This chapter notes that assigning functions to artifacts and technologies is crucially important for a number of different reasons: in particular, it can explain how and why artifacts are used in the ways that they are, which artifacts are stable parts of society. In turn, this can help justify social policies and interventions. However, how to assign functions to artifacts is not yet fully clear. The most popular attempt to do so appeals to the intentions of the designer of the artifact—though others have tried to do so by appeal to the history of use of the artifact. However, in this chapter, we show that neither of these theories is fully compelling, and that a better account of artifact function can obtained by applying a variant of presentist social functionalism to this case. We lay out this presentist theory of artifact functions and apply it to two examples of controversial artifact functions: off-label uses of pharmaceuticals, and policy responses to ChatGPT and other large-language models.