This is a textual study of “Orthodox Survival Courses”, designed to illustrate one facet of opposition to ecumenism characteristic of those sectors of Eastern Orthodoxy in the U.S. that scholars such as Sarah Riccardi-Swartz have designated “reactive Orthodox”. While a number of attributes might demarcate these individuals and groups (e.g. heavily influenced by online content, suspicious of perceived liberality on the part of bishops, etc.), I focus my attention on those Orthodox influenced by the narrative logic articulated by Fr. Seraphim Rose. That is, the legacy of anti-ecumenism that I am tracing has its roots in Rose and his influence, and is amplified through the development of the genre that he inaugurated (that is, the Orthodox Survival Course). In what follows, I argue that a particular development of Rose’s own narrative logic (that is, the move toward ascribing more agency to human actors within perceived conspiracy) provides a potent backdrop to, and rationale for, anti-ecumenism among those influenced by this line of thought.