For any non-Archimedean local field \(\mathbb {K}\) and any integer \(n \geqslant 1\) , we show that the Taibleson operator admits a bounded \(\textrm{H}^\infty (\Sigma _\theta )\) functional calculus on the Bochner space \(\textrm{L}^p(\mathbb {K}^n,Y)\) for any \(\textrm{UMD}\) Banach function space Y and any angle \(\theta > 0\) , where \(\Sigma _\theta =\{ z \in \mathbb {C}^*: |\arg z| < \theta \}\) and \(1< p < \infty \) . Moreover, we prove that it even admits a bounded Hörmander functional calculus of order \(\frac{3}{2}\) . In our study, we explore harmonic analysis on locally compact Spector-Vilenkin groups and establish the R-boundedness of a family of convolution operators. Our results contribute to the theory of functional calculi for operators acting on vector-valued \(\textrm{L}^p\) -spaces over totally disconnected spaces. As an application, we obtain maximal regularity results and well-posedness for a class of evolution equations driven by the Taibleson operator.